Former Mercury journalist Ciara's list of times she's felt threatened by a man

I was 14 when a friend and I went to play at a park 100 meters away from her house. A group of boys we didn't know arrived and we thought about leaving. We decided not to because we thought it would be fine, they could do what they want and we would stay out of their way. It only took 10 minutes before we were surrounded by boys we didn't know and had to run away. One of them chased us as their friends yelled, "grab their asses".

I was 15 when a boy tried to follow me home from school. I was 15 when I told that boy I wouldn't date him. I was 15 and labelled mean because he cried when I rejected him.

I was 16 when I learned my grandmother had survived a domestic violence relationship.

I was 18 when a man I didn't know had a meltdown about not having a ticket for the bus and threw his water bottle at me - someone who was just waiting in line.

I was 18 when I watched on hopelessly as my friend got into her first relationship with someone who treated her awfully. I listened as she cried on the phone telling me all the terrible things he did to her.

I was 19 when I cheered because she survived and got out of that relationship.

I was 19 when I would walk back to my dorm at university pretending to be on the phone to a friend or my sister because I was scared a guy might attack me if I was alone.

I was 21 when I felt so sick I couldn't move. I had to cancel a date I made with a friend, he got so offended, he didn't talk to me for years.

I was 22 when I went on a date with a man who ended it by pushing me up against my car and forcing himself on me. I cried all the way home, thinking it was something I must have done wrong.

I was 23 when I went to a job and an older man had too much to drink and asked me to sit on his lap and made sexual gestures at me.

I was 24 when I went out with a male friend I'd known and trusted for years. Before he had to go home he asked if he could come and use my bathroom. An hour later I was hysterically laughing and crying, wondering how I ended up being assaulted again. This time by someone I trusted.

I was 26 when I decided to go shopping at around 10am. On my way back to my car I noticed a man much larger than myself following me. I called my sister, scared to even get to my car. In the end, I ran and hid behind cars and someone else had to block the man so I could get to my car and leave safely.

I was 27 when a guy came to my house uninvited after two dates because he wanted to "clarify" the rude things he said about me.

I was 27 when I started sitting in court listening to the awful things that some women have had to endure - from being put in the hospital, to being threatened, to having knives thrown at them by the men who claimed to love them.

I was 28 when I read the news that another woman had died from violence.

It has been two decades of dealing with this behaviour, and I'm not alone. These examples don't include catcalling, not feeling safe to go for a run alone or being in a car park at night time, or walking down the street and being scared that the man behind us might attack.

My examples are my own story, but every woman has one. Some are much, much worse than others.

I know it's not all men, I work with some incredible men and I love my dad, but when the facts say that 29 women have been killed at the hands of men in the first four months of 2024, something has to change.

There needs to be tighter bail laws, more funding for the groups on the ground who are working to change this behaviour and education for our young people who grow up thinking this behaviour is acceptable.

This is a national crisis and change is needed now. It shouldn't take another death to make that happen.

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