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It rarely happens but this week I felt sorry for a politician. Yes, you read that correctly. Now bear with me while I explain.
There he was, poor little Albo, arriving in the dark in Washington for his much-heralded state visit. Greeting him on the tarmac, a modest honour guard and a motorcade to whisk him through the empty DC streets to Blair House, where foreign dignitaries are put up.
The arrival was more low light than limelight. And once again, Albo's timing - not through his own design - was out. Just as Joe Biden's planned Quad visit to Australia in May was scuppered by domestic US politics, Albo's planned address to a joint sitting of Congress was scrubbed for a similar reason. This time, bickering among the House of Representatives Republican majority meant there was no speaker to officiate. No speaker, no speech.
And, of course, the main purpose of the visit - to shore up support for the AUKUS submarine deal - has been completely overshadowed by events in the Middle East. The White House is facing questions about whether it should have been postponed given the perilous state of world affairs. Even the state dinner has been toned down. The B52s, who were to perform, will now join Albo as guests while military bands provide instrumental accompaniment in keeping with the sombre mood.
It's beginning to look like a country cousin has insisted on arriving in the midst of a full blown family emergency.
But at least we can hope Joe Biden remembers Albo's name, unlike Scott Morrison, who the president referred to as "that fella from downunder" when the AUKUS deal was announced. Or Malcolm Turnbull, called "Mr Trumble" by Donald Trump's press hack Sean Spicer after that infamous phone call with the newly inaugurated president in January 2017.
So why the pity for our PM? Somehow, every time he steps onto the world stage, he still looks like the kid from Camperdown, the MP from Marrickville, the Harry Potter-esque character who mumbles and fumbles with municipal awkwardness. As much as I want him to succeed, and despite his best efforts, I can't help thinking he's cosplaying a role he's not really suited to.
He's a bloke who loves the camera but the camera doesn't love him. On that world stage, he wears a look of childish awe, as if he can't believe he's actually rubbing shoulders with his idols.
His fawning over Narendra Modi, during the Indian PM's visit after the Quad meeting was scuttled, was more fanboy than statesman. It was difficult to watch.
Also hard to watch is the amount of international travel the PM has done since coming to office. He's averaging an overseas trip once a month, leaving himself open to criticism that he's paying too much attention to world affairs while ignoring domestic problems. "Airbus Albo" will stick the same way "Kevin 747" did after 2007.
Not all the criticism is reasonable - the damage done to Australia's reputation by the previous government does need repairing and the upcoming trip to China is possibly more important than the US trip.
But perhaps it would have been better for Albo to offer to postpone the Washington visit to a time when the White House wasn't so distracted by world and US affairs. After all, good friends postpone all the time, secure in the knowledge it won't affect the relationship.
HAVE YOUR SAY: Does the PM need to spend less time overseas and more time at home? Should he have offered to postpone the US trip? How does he present on the world stage? Email us: echidna@theechidna.com.au
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IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:
- Carnival Cruise Lines engaged in misleading representations and were negligent in providing passenger safety on the 2020 Ruby Princess voyage, the Federal Court has found. Susan Karpik, a passenger on board the ill-fated Ruby Princess cruise, was the lead plaintiff in a class action against Australian charter company Carnival. "I am pleased with this outcome as it brings a degree of comfort for all passengers who were worse off as a result of travelling on the Ruby Princess," Mrs Karpik said.
- The conflict in the Middle East has shown why the Australian Defence Force needs to urgently restructure and prepare for evolving threats, an official says. The defence force needed to be fit for purpose in "a more precarious strategic era", Department of Defence secretary Greg Moriarty told a Senate hearing.
- NSW Premier Chris Minns has conceded he was not fully aware of the security risk posed by illuminating the Opera House sails in Israeli colours. The state government has faced criticism over the fallout from the Premier's decision to light the sails to mark the October 7 attack in southern Israel by Hamas militants.
THEY SAID IT: "If you want peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies." - Desmond Tutu
YOU SAID IT: Two banks with two very different ways of dealing with an emergency. You responded in droves.
Maggie writes: "I had a problem with ANZ phone banking, and sat on hold for half an hour before deciding that as I was going to be in town (50km away) the next day, I would call in at the branch. There I was told that I would have to make an appointment for the next day. No one in the branch could help. The appointment had to be face to face, not over the phone. I managed to solve the phone banking problem, but I am not impressed with ANZ."
"Commiserations on your experience, John," writes David. "Banks keep finding new, exquisite ways to inflict pain upon the 'valued' customer. Whether it's the banks' near or far queue approach or the underwhelming interpersonal skills demonstrated by staff or the 100 per cent increase in 'account-keeping' fees (done automatically by computers), they manage to ramp up the 'I want to kill someone' effect brilliantly, often by sending a 'How did we do?' survey following a bout of alleged service."
Stephanie writes: "When I arrived in Australia in 2006 on a 457 visa my first job was to buy a house. At that time $400-450,000 would buy a nice house in sunny Busselton and I brought with me around $350,000. I found a suitable property for $445,000 and went to Westpac, with whom I already had a relationship. I had a good, reasonably well paid job but was informed by the bank that due to their limited history with me they couldn't help even though I only wanted to borrow around a quarter of the house price. I was astounded. Surely in this day and age, credit history can be obtained from another country? I decided to look elsewhere, went to the NAB and had a mortgage in just over a week. Bad (and very short sighted) move, Westpac, I've since bought numerous properties through the NAB and their service is excellent. Keep up the good work, John!"
"Despite loathing testimonials I have a similar tale," writes Anita. "Quite recently, I was the subject of a major hacking attempt. My guard was down because the hacker pretended to be Apple software warning me of the attempt (irony). From there, I was lured into my account (NAB) over the phone with a supposed Apple expert. Fast forward; I called my bank (NAB), which acted with speed and efficiency. The second call was to Apple which did the same. Crisis averted but it was a near miss. Apple and NAB are much maligned but my experience is at odds with any such claims. I'd give them equal billing as my favourite brands."
Ian writes: "I would not wish to disparage overseas call centre operators. I understand they get a lot of abuse from Australians. But at the same time, getting them to understand my needs can be a challenge. My experience was with Telstra a few years ago. The Filipino operator had a well-rehearsed, long winded and extremely polite script, but was unable to fix, possibly even to understand, my problem. On one occasion they wanted my permission to remotely log into my computer. As if that was going to happen. Once, maybe a late night call, I happened to get an Australian operator, a bloke based in WA I think. A short conversation expressed in the Aussie vernacular, including grunts, 'yeah mate', and 'righto', and the technical problem was fixed in no time, with a 'goodonya mate' from me."
"Couldn't agree more about ANZ," writes Annie. "Never a wait of less than 40 minutes, followed by an often mutually incomprehensible conversation where the agent is clearly on a time limit and following a script. Try and get an answer to anything outside their script is impossible. Ask to get bumped up to a supervisor and they are always in a meeting. So I ended up in my local branch, where I was told I needed to make an appointment, but they would very kindly find someone to talk with me if I'd wait a few minutes. The attitude of the petty bureaucrat bank employee was so unpleasant. I then managed to negotiate the - as you say - very confusing website to make an appointment, in order to get a large lump of money out and into a friendlier bank."